Relationships

Falling in love
It's a chemical, pheremone thing. It's designed to override the rational, reduce the need for food and to produce an overwhelming protection instinct. It lasts for up to two years to enable nurture through pregnancy, birth and weaning.

I know, I'm just a romantic at heart.

Love,
Love changes everything:
Hands and faces,
Earth and sky,
Love,
Love changes everything:
How you live and
How you die

Love
Can make the summer fly,
Or a night
Seem like a lifetime.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everything:
Now I tremble
At your name.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.

Love,
Love changes everything:
Days are longer,
Words mean more.
Love,
Love changes everything:
Pain is deeper
Than before.

Love
Will turn your world around,
And that world
Will last for ever.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everything,
Brings you glory,
Brings you shame.
Nothing in the
World will ever
Be the same.

Off
Into the world we go,
Planning futures,
Shaping years.
Love,
Bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom
Disappears.

Love
Makes fools of everyone:
All the rules
We make are broken.

Yes, Love,
Love changes everyone.
Live or perish
In its flame.
Love will never,
Never let you
Be the same.

It's great isn't it? Makes us feel alive in a way that perhaps nothing else does. It stirs all those noble feelings, self-sacrifice, wholehearted giving, loyalty, uncompromising hope. All very good things indeed. But based on chemistry not choice.

Seems to me that too often what people desire is the experience, the feeling of 'being in love' rather than the person who they are 'in love' with. Now of course the majority of people are wise enough to know that all this and manage to work through it to a healthier basis for a long-term relationship. But many don't. Time and again we read about people who say 'I just don't love them anymore' or 'we fell out of love'. By which I guess is meant 'I no longer have these overwhelmingly positive feelings'. 

So, my first point would be that 'falling in love' is not a good indicator of anything! Pretty much any man and woman who like each other and progressively share more of themselves, gaining common experiences along the way can do that! In fact I'd go further. Under those circumstances, unless a deliberate effort is made to stop it, it is almost inevitable. Song of Solomon says 'Don't stir up love until it's ready'  This is what it means.

I'm not saying we shouldn't expect feelings, emotions to play a significant part, of course they should! I'm not saying we should avoid falling in love! I'm simply pointing out that if these become the basis of our decision making, it will end badly. At some point the feelings will change, we will stop 'being in love'. If these feelings have remained the only basis for the relationship, then it will founder.

Which of course leaves sex............